This way to the sanitarium.
Free bus to the sanitarium.
This way to the Standish Sanitarium. Standish San-- Standish San--
This-- This way to the Standish--
Stand-- Free bus. Free bus. Standish Sanitarium.
Free bus to the sanitarium. Just got room for a few more.
-Sanitarium? -No, racetrack.
You don't wanna go there. You're sick.
l'm going to the races!
All right. You want something hot in the fifth race?
Sanitarium? Bus to the sanitarium. Standish Sanitarium.
Free bus to the sanitarium.
lt's no use, Tony.
lf business keeps up like this, l'm afraid l'll have to drive the car myself.
Oh, no, Miss Judy. You can't fire me.
-But what if l can't pay your salary? -That's different.
You don't have to pay me, but you can't fire me.
-Tony, you're sweet. -Yeah. And don't worry, Miss Judy...
...l'm gonna get us some customers if l have to make them sick myself.
Tony, l'm afraid we need more than customers.
You don't understand. l owe a great deal of money.
Far more than l can ever pay.
Let me see. Who do l know that's rich?
How about that big, strong, sick woman at the sanitarium?
-You mean Mrs. Upjohn? -That's the one.
She'd lend you the money.
Oh, she's rich. Why, last week, she gave me a dollar tip.
She did once offer to help.
But it doesn't seem right to borrow from a patient.
-Then we make her a partner. -Oh, Tony.
We gotta hurry before she changes her mind.
Go ahead, Miss Judy. There's Mrs. Upjohn now.
-But, Mrs. Upjohn-- -There's no use, doctor. l'm leaving!
Mr. Whitmore, l want my bill at once.
-Just as you say. -What's the matter, Mrs. Upjohn?
lt's no fault of yours, my dear. lt's the doctor.
Telling me l'm perfectly well when l know l'm on the verge...
...of a nervous collapse. Goodbye, Judy, dear.
Have the boy come up and get my bags, please.
Gil! Oh, Gil!
-l'm glad you're here. -What is it, honey?
Hold me tight. l'll be all right.
Come on, honey, tell me.
lt's Mrs. Upjohn.
She's leaving.
Oh, let her leave. Say, l have something here worth 1 00 Upjohns.
You don't understand. l'm going to lose this place.
No, you're not. That's what l'm trying to tell you. From me to you, with love.
Your radio contract. You've got it!
''Gelding, out of Honey Lamb by Blue Bolt...
...two-year, Hi Hat. ''
-Why, Gil, this doesn't make sense. -lt's a horse, honey, a racehorse.
Perhaps l'm awfully stupid, but what do we want with a horse?
l'll tell you. Horse wins race, owner wins money.
Owner gives money to girl he loves. Girl saves sanitarium. lt's very simple.
Very simple? But what happens if horse loses race?
Oh, but he can't lose. He's a wonder. l picked him up for a song, only $ 1 500.
Fifteen hundred dollars?
That's all the money you had in the world.
Well, l still have my job singing at the casino.
Now, Gil. You return that horse at once and get your money back.
You've got to go on with your music.
You need money fast, more than l could make 1 0 years of singing.
l don't care. l want you to be a great singer, not a racetrack tout.
Oh, wait a minute. That isn't fair!
-Are you going to return that horse? -l can't. l just bought him.
You mean you don't want to. You'd rather bet on a horse than on yourself.
-Of all the ungrateful people! -What have l got to be grateful for?
You've thrown your career away on a long shot and gambled away our happiness.
Here. Take your horse. And l hope you're very happy with it.
l'm going to someone who understands me, to Dr. Hackenbush.
Dr. Hackenbush? Why, l never heard of him. Has he a sanitarium?
The biggest in Florida, that's what he said. Of course, l was never there.
Hugo, l mean, Dr. Hackenbush, always insisted on treating me in my home.
l didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until l met him.
Excuse, please.
We're getting a lot of customers since they heard Dr. ''Hackenapuss'' is coming.
-Did you say Hackenbush? -Yes, ma'am.
l wonder if that could be the same one.
Where does he come from?
-Where's your Hackenapuss come from? -Palmville, Florida.
That's the one!
Why... . Why, Judy!
Why didn't you tell me Dr. Hackenbush was coming here?
Dr. Hackenbush?
Oh, l'm so excited!
Judy, why don't you make him chief of staff.
He'd do wonders for the sanitarium.
With Dr. Hackenbush in charge, l might help you financially.
l don't say l will, but l might.
Oh, Mr. Whitmore, have my bags sent right up. l'm staying!
-Who's Dr. Hackenbush? -l don't know.
But if she wants a Hackenapuss, she's going to get a Hackenapuss.
lnhale.
Exhale.
lnhale.
Exhale.
lnhale.
Exhale.
lnhale.
-Here's a telegram for you, doc. -What does it say?
Well, goes on to say-- How should l know?
''Come up and take care of Mrs. Upjohn. Stop.
You can write your own ticket. Stop. Come at once, Standish Sanitarium. ''
Mrs. Upjohn. Ah, Emily.
She never forgot that hayride.
Don't she know you're a vet?
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything.
That's why she's in love with me.
They could throw a horse doctor in jail for treating people.
They can throw a horse doctor in jail for not paying his rent too.
-Up in there. -What have l got to lo--?
Take one of those every half-mile. And call me if there's any change.
Mr. Morgan, if l sign this, it means l turn the sanitarium over to you today.
That's right, and l'll give you $5000.
But the notes aren't due. l've got almost a month.
This place has been losing money steadily. You'll never be able to pay.
lf you wait, l'll take it over, and you won't get a cent.
As your business manager, Judy, l strongly advise you to take Mr. Morgan's offer.
You're forgetting that doctor Mrs. Upjohn recommended.
Surely with him in charge, we'll be able to pay Mr. Morgan.
Are you going to take the advice of a hysterical patient?
-Now, look here, Miss Standish-- -Judy!
-Judy, he's here! He's here! -Why, who's here?
Dr. Hackenbush!
Are you going to sign that or not?
-No. -Of course she's not going to sign it.
l have a month. l can at least try this new doctor.
You're going to wish you'd taken that check.
Mr. Morgan. Mr. Morgan!
-You fixed that, all right. -How'd l know she was going to butt in?
-l'll get to work on this new doctor. -Work fast.
With Dr. Hackenbush in charge, l'm sure my trustees will let me help you.
-l think l'm better able to advise-- -l don't want to hear any more about it.
l can't stand this excitement. l know this will cause a relapse.
Oh, my metabolism! Doctor!
Oh, doctor!
Here, boy. Here, boy.
Take these bags to my room, and here's a dime for yourself.
Oh, no, no, no, no. This is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.
Oh, l'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter.
You mustn't take the doctor too seriously.
He probably feels tired after his long trip.
Why shouldn't l be tired? Did you ever ride four on a motorcycle?
And me, top man.
This is Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, your new chief of staff.
And now, doctor, l'd like you to meet Miss Standish.
Oh, doctor.
Doctor.
Just a moment, while l calm these paralytics.
Oh, dear. Doctor.
Doctor, this is Miss Standish, owner of the sanitarium.
-How do you do, Miss Standish? -How do you do?
You're the prettiest owner of a sanitarium l've ever seen.
-Thank you. -You have a charming place here.
l knew your mother very well.
l'll let you in on a little secret.
Many, many years ago, in the dear, dim past...
...l proposed to your mother.
-But that's my father. -No wonder he turned me down.
Now, doctor, l'd like you to meet your new associates.
Johnson, Bellevue Hospital, 1 91 8.
Franco, Johns Hopkins, '22.
-Wilmerding, Mayo brothers, '24. -Dodge brothers, late '29.
Doctor, l'm happy to welcome you as chief of staff.
l hope you'll be able to pull the sanitarium out of its difficulties.
The sanitarium's having a little financial trouble.
l get it. l'm not gonna get paid. So long! Take it away!
Oh, no, no, no. Doctor, please don't go.
-l'll take care of your salary. -Oh, yeah?
The last job l had, l had to take it out in trade.
And this is no butcher shop.
Not yet anyhow.
Judy, it seems to me, if l may say so...
...we are making rather a hasty decision.
Surely you don't question the doctor's ability.
No. Not exactly.
But running a sanitarium calls for a man with peculiar talents.
l've got the most peculiar talents of any doctor you ever met.
l'm satisfied with Mrs. Upjohn's recommendations.
lf you'll excuse me, l'll go and bring in the rest of the staff.
Why don't you go out and bring in something. Preferably your resignation.
Tell me, Dr. Hackenbush...
...just what was your medical background?
-Medically? -Yes.
Well, at the age of 1 5, l got a job in a drugstore filling prescriptions.
Don't you have to be 21 to fill prescriptions?
Well, that's for grownups. l just filled them for children.
No, no, doctor.
l mean, where did you get your training as a physician?
Oh, well, to begin with, l took four years at Vassar.
-Vassar? But that's a girls' college. -l found that out the third year.
l'd have been there yet, but l went out for the swimming team.
The doctor seems reluctant to discuss his medical experiences.
Well, medically, my experiences have been most unexciting.
-Except during the flu epidemic. -And what happened?
l got the flu.
-Oh, doctor, l think it's time for my pill. -lx-nay on the ill-pay.
Now, you told me to take them regularly.
Just a minute, Mrs. Upjohn.
-That looks like a horse pill to me. -Oh, you've taken them before?
-You sure you haven't made a mistake? -You have nothing to worry about.
The last patient l gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
May l examine this, please?
Do you actually give those to your patients?
lsn't that awfully large for a pill?
lt was too small for a basketball, and l didn't know what to do with it.
Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.
Dr. Wilmerding...
...just what is your opinion?
lt must take a lot of water to swallow that.
Nonsense. You can swallow that with 5 gallons.
lsn't that a lot of water for a patient to take?
Not if the patient has a bridge in her mouth.
The water flows under, the patient walks over and meets the pill on the other side.
So it's war! l'm off to the battlefield!
No, that's from the racetrack.
-Racetrack? Well, what am l doing here? -Oh, doctor, don't leave me!
Well, you won it, Stuffy.
Nice work, Stuffy.
l told you to lose that race.
Stuffy, where are you? Where's Stuffy? Did you see my jockey?
Whoa. Please, Mr. Morgan, don't stay here.
You ought to beat the head off that ornery devil!
Well, he only acts this way when he sees or hears you.
l should have plugged that nag when l owned him.
Please, Mr. Morgan, don't stay here.
Calm down. He's gone now. That's a boy.
You better stay out of Morgan's way for a while.
Get your ice cream. Get your tootsie-fruitsie ice cream.
Stuffy!
Hey, get out of there.
Hey, that was some ride you put up.
l had 5 bucks right on the nose.
l won 60 cents. Yeah.
Who you riding tomorrow?
What's the matter? What happened?
You're fired? Oh, Morgan fired you, huh?
-He wanted you to throw the race? -He wanted Stuffy to be crooked, eh?
You know he's honest.
He's honest, but you gotta watch him a little.
Gil, why don't you give Stuffy a job. Let him ride Hi Hat.
We can't afford a jockey. We haven't enough money to eat on ourselves.
Eat, eat, eat. All the time eat. We don't have to eat. l'll eat.
-Hey, you. -Hello, sheriff.
-Have you got the money for the feed bill? -You see--
You guys have been stalling me for weeks.
Either l get some money right now, or l'm taking Hi Hat.
Wait, wait. l'll give you some money.
There you are.
Five dollars? That's not enough. Come on. Well?
All right, all right. l've got some more. Just... .
There you are.
That makes 1 0. Chicken feed. Come on, you've got some more.
Yeah, but it's hard to get at, you know?
-Come on, come on. -All right. Don't hurry.
l've got it someplace. l know it's someplace.
Here. l knew it was someplace.
Well, that's 1 5. Have you got any more?
-l'll let you know in a minute. -Quit stalling. Come on, hurry.
All right, l've got some more, but l can't hurry.
Hey, what are you doing? Cut it-- Get up. What is this? Cut it--
What are you trying to do? Get up.
Here! Come back here!
Well, that's fine. Now we owe the sheriff $ 1 20 and a sock.
lt's a good thing Judy doesn't have to depend on me.
-l can't even hold on to the horse. -No? Well, we hold on to the horse.
Say, if we only had some dough. l got a tip on Sun-Up.
Sun-Up? He's in the next race! We don't got much time!
Hey, wait! What are we gonna use for money?
Hey! What are you doing, you crazy kook, you?
Hey, look, look! Sun-Up, he's 1 0-to-1 .
Oh, boy, are we gonna clean up, 1 0-to-1 .
-We haven't any money to bet. -Don't worry. l get us some money.
l find a sucker someplace.
Scram. l think l see a sucker coming now. Get out of here.
Get your ice cream.
Two dollars on Sun-Up.
Hey. Hey, boss. Boss, come here. You want something hot?
Not now. l just had lunch. Anyhow, l don't like hot ice cream.
Hey, come here. l no sell ice cream. That's fake to fool the police.
l sell tips on the horses. l got something today can't lose. One dollar.
No. Some other time. l'm sorry. l'm betting on Sun-Up. Some other time.
-Two dollars on Sun-Up. -Hey, boss. Hey. Come here.
Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track.
-l notice he wins all the time. -Just because he comes in first.
l don't want him any better than first. Two dollars on Sun-Up.
Hey, boss, come here. Come here.
Suppose you bet on Sun-Up. What you gonna get for your money? 2-to-1 .
One dollar, and you'll remember me all your life.
That's the most nauseating proposition l ever had.
Come on. Come on. You look like a sport. Come on, boss.
Don't be a crunger for one buck.
Thank you.
-What's this? -That's the horse.
How'd he get in here?
Get your ice cream. Tootsie-fruitsie ice cream.
''Z-V-B-X-R-P-L. ''
l had that same horse when l had my eyes examined.
Hey, ice cream.
What about this optical illusion you slipped me? l don't understand it.
That's not the real name of the horse. That's the name in code.
Look in your codebook.
-What do you mean, ''code''? -Look in the codebook.
-That will tell you what horse you got. -l haven't got any codebook.
-You don't got one? -You know where l can get one?
Well, just by accident, l think l've got one right here. Here you are.
-How much is it? -That's free.
-Oh, thanks. -Just a $ 1 printing charge.
Well, give me one without printing. l'm sick of printing.
Come on. You want to win?
-Yeah, sure. Of course l want to win. -Well, then you've got to have this.
But l don't want the savings of a lifetime...
...wiped out in the twinkling of an eye.
-Here. -Thank you very much.
lce cream... .
''Z-V-B-X-R-P-L, page 34. ''
Hey, ice cream, l can't make head or tail out of this.
That's all right. Look in the master codebook. That will tell you where to look.
Master code? l haven't got any master codebook.
-You don't got a master codebook? -Do you know where l can get one?
Well, just by accident, l think l've got one right here. There you are.
A lot of quick accidents around here for a quiet neighborhood.
-ls there a printing charge on this? -No.
Oh, thanks.
Just a $2 delivery charge.
Delivery charge? l'm standing right next to you.
Well, for such a short distance, l make it $ 1 .
Couldn't l move over here and make it 50 cents?
Yes, but l'd move over here and make it $ 1 just the same.
Say, maybe l'd better open a charge account, eh?
You got some references?
The only one l know around here is you.
That's no good. You'll have to pay cash.
A little while ago, l could have put $2 on Sun-Up and avoided all this.
Yeah, throw your money away. Thank you very much.
-l'm all set, huh? -Yes, sir.
Get your tootsie-fruitsie ice cream.
-Master code, master code, plain code. -Get your ice cream...
...tootsie-fruitsie. Get your tootsie-fruitsie... .
''Z-V-B-X-R-P-L. The letter Z stands for J unless the horse is a filly. ''
-Get your tootsie-fruitsie-- -Hey, tootsie-fruitsie.
-ls the horse a filly? -Don't know. Look in your breeder's guide.
Get your ice cream... .
What do you mean? l haven't got any breeder's guide.
You haven't got a breeder's guide?
Not so loud. l don't want it to get around that l haven't got a breeder's guide.
Even my best friends don't know l haven't got a breeder's guide.
Well, boss, l feel pretty sorry for you, walking around without a breeder's guide.
Why, you're just throwing your money away...
...buying those other books without a breeder's guide.
Where can l get one? As though l didn't know.
One is no good. You got to have the whole set.
Get your tootsie-fruitsie--
You know, all l wanted was a horse, not a public library.
-What do you mean? How much is a set? -One dollar.
-One dollar? -Yeah. Four for $5.
Give me the four of them. There's no use throwing away money.
All right, here you are.
This is all l'm buying too. l didn't want so many--
-l thought you could do this quickly. -There you are.
Six dollars on Sun-Up.
-Get your tootsie-fruitsie ice cream. -Breeder's guide.
Get your ice cream.
-''Z-V-B-X-R-P-L is Burns. '' -Yeah, that's right.
-Burns? -Yeah.
Some days it gives you the name of the jockey instead of the horse.
You find out who jockey Burns is riding, and that's the horse you bet on. lt's easy.
Get your ice cream, tootsie-fruitsie.
l'm getting the idea of it. l didn't get it for a long time.
lt's pretty tricky when you don't know it, isn't it?
lt's not that book.
-lt's not that book. -lt's not that book?
Oh, l see.
No. lt's not that book. Not that book.
-Nope. Nope. lt's not that book. -lt's not?
No, you haven't got that book.
You've got it, huh?
l'll get it in a minute, though, won't l?
Get your tootsie-fruitsie.
l'm getting a fine tootsie-fruitsying right here.
Get your ice cream.
-How much is it? -One dollar.
-And it's the last book l'm buying. -Sure, you don't need no more. Here.
Now, here's a... . Here's a $ 1 0 bill.
-Shoot the change, will you? -l got no change.
l'll have to give you nine more books. You don't mind.
-You take nine more books. -Nine more?
-You don't handle any bookcases, do you? -Well, you come tomorrow again.
-l didn't know that you needed-- -You're gonna win today.
l thought you just walk up and bet on a horse.
-Open! -Am l shedding books down there?
Close! Close! That's it.
lt's a good thing l brought my legs with me, eh?
-Now, what horse have l got? -lt's right here.
-l just heard the fella blowing his horn. -Here it is.
Jockey Burns, 1 52. That's Rosie.
-Rosie, yeah? -Look! Oh, boy! Look, 40-to-1 !
-40-to-1 , huh? -Oh, what a horse!
Am l gonna give that bookie a whipping! l was going to bet on Sun-Up at 1 0-to-1 .
-Look, it's 40-to-1 . -l'll show them a thing or two.
Hey, there, big boy. Two dollars on Rosie, eh?
Sorry, that race is over.
-l say the race is over. -Over? Who won?
-Sun-Up. -Sun-Up! That's my horse! Sun-Up.
Sun-Up. Hurry up. Sun-Up.
Goodbye, boss. Goodbye. Sun-Up. Ten, 20, 30-- Sun-Up! Forty, 50... .
Get your tootsie-fruitsie. Nice ice cream. Nice tootsie-fruitsie ice cream.
-Oh, Miss Standish? -Yes?
-These calls came while you were out. -Oh, thank you.
Hello.
-Mr. Stewart? -l'm still out.
l'm sorry. Miss Standish is still out.
Yes, Mr. Whitmore.
What about that call to the Florida medical board?
What? Well, keep on trying.
Call me the moment you get it.
You can't even get any action out of your telephone operator.
Don't worry. l'll get the dope on that Florida quack.
Now, listen, l want to turn this place into a gambling casino before the season ends.
With my racetrack, my nightclub and this...
...l'll have every sucker in America here, but every day counts.
-l'll let you know when l get the call. -l'll be waiting.
Doctor, may l have one of your photographs?
Why, l haven't one.
l could let you have my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks.
l want to announce your association with the sanitarium.
We'll send your picture to all the papers.
-Florida papers? -Yes. lt'd be wonderful publicity.
Publicity? We mustn't have any of that. You know, the ethics of my profession.
But we have to get new patients.
Well, after all, the old patients were good enough for your father.
Besides, who wants to see my picture?
l'm not a famous man. l'm just a simple country doctor with horse sense.
Oh, you're too modest.
-We'll forget about the pictures. -That's better.
And, doctor, remember, l'm counting on you.
The success of the sanitarium is in your hands.
Look, Miss Standish, suppose-- Suppose l were to tell you...
...that l'm not the doctor you think l am.
Well, you're the only one that can help me.
And do be nice to Mrs. Upjohn, won't you?
Well, she's not exactly my type, but for you, l'd make love to a crocodile.
Silly.
Have the florist send roses to Mrs. Upjohn. Write ''Emily, l love you'' on the bill.
Just a moment, Dr. Hackenbush.
Yes, Mr. Whitmore.
No, l haven't been able to get that call through to the Florida medical board.
Well, l'm doing the best l can. lt ought to be here any minute.
lf that call's what l think, she can cancel those roses and make it lilies for me.
Get me Mr. Whitmore.
-Hello? -Here's your Florida call, Mr. Whitmore.
All right. Hello?
Florida medical board. Good morning.
l'd like to talk to the man in charge of the records, please.
Record department? Just a moment, sugar.
Record department. Colonel Hawkins talking.
Colonel Hawkins, did you get a wire from me regarding Dr. Hackenbush?
l'm sorry, sir, but there's a hurricane blowing down here...
...and you'll have to talk a little louder.
lt certainly is the windiest day we ever did have.
It certainly is windy!
l want to know about Dr. Hackenbush!
-Yes? -Whitmore, cut out that squawking.
The patients are all complaining.
And I hope, sir, that that's the information that you require.
l'm sorry, colonel. l didn't hear it. l was called to the Dictograph.
-What was that you said, sir? -l was called to the Dictograph!
Whitmore, one more yelp out of you, and l'll have you bounced out of here.
And I trust, sir, that that answers your question.
l'm terribly sorry, colonel. l didn't hear you.
l can't hear you. You'll have to talk a bit louder.
l want to find out something about Hackenbush!
-Well, what is it now? -That's the last time...
...l'm gonna warn you about that yowling.
And in conclusion, let me say--
l'm sorry, colonel. What was that you said about Hackenbush?
Hacken-- You mean, Dr. Hackenbush? Oh, no. He's not here.
l know he's not there. He's here!
Then what are you bothering me for, Yankee?
But l want to know something about his Florida record.
Here's your Florida call, Mr. Whitmore.
Operator, will you get off the line?!
-Hello? Hello, colonel. -Yes?
Are you sure you're speaking of Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush?
-Who? -Hugo Z. Hackenbush!
Who's calling him?
-The Standish Sanitarium. -Yeah, that's where he works.
Say, l understand he's doing a mighty fine job up there.
l... .
l want to get some information regarding his qualifications for the job.
-What job? -As head of the sanitarium!
-Who? -Hackenbush!
-Whitmore, are you calling me? -No, you sap!
-Hello. -Yes, now, what was that name?
Hackenbush. Hackenbush!
Well, as soon as he comes in, l'll have him get in touch with you.
Hey, you see that sourpuss?
That's Whitmore, the man you gotta watch.
You see, he's no good. He's in with Morgan...
...and l think they're trying to get the sanitarium away from Miss Judy.
Hey, hey! No, no, no.
You no gonna fight him. You gonna watch him.
You gotta watch him like a hawk.
That's it. Not so fast. No, not so fast.
First, l gotta get you in here as a patient...
...or else Whitmore's going to get wise to you.
Come on, l take you to the doctor.
Stuffy! Stuffy! Hey, come here. Hey, he won't hurt you.
No, no, come here. This fella's a nice doctor.
You're hungry, eh? You want some ice cream?
You want a nice, big steak? With spinach?
All right, all right. No spinach. No spinach.
Apple pie? And beautiful nurses?
Oh, baby, come on. You're gonna get a nurse.
Oh, my, you're gonna get plenty.
-Have you seen Dr. Hackenbush? -No, doctor.
Go find him. Mrs. Upjohn wants him.
-What's the matter with Mrs. Upjohn? -Nothing, in its most violent form.
-Pick me up at 5. -Yes, sir.
-May l have an okay on this, please? -l'm too busy right now.
l'll put the O on now and come back later for the K.
-Dr. Hackenbush. -A little later.
-Get me the Turkish bath. -Yes, sir.
Dr. Hackenbush, Mrs. Upjohn is complaining again...
...and these x-rays show nothing wrong with her.
ls that so? Who are you gonna believe, me or those crooked x-rays?
Doctor, the Turkish bath.
Hello? Gus, will you look in the steam room and see if my frankfurters are done?
That will be all. l have some important research.
Now... .
Excuse me.
Oh, so you're the doctor.
Yeah, remember me? l used to be in the book business.
Hey, forget about that, doc.
-l got some good news for you. -Yeah? What are the odds?
No, no, it's no horse. l got a patient for you.
Oh, a patient? Oh, fine. What size?
-You didn't get him here any too soon. -Hey, Stuffy!
Sit down here till l snatch you from the jaws of death.
-Just sit quietly. -Sit down.
Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped.
He's a good doctor.
Knows his business.
Singing doctor.
Here you are. Oh, come on. This isn't gonna hurt.
-Come on, everybody gets that. -Open up those pearly gates.
Flip this under your flapper. Attaboy.
-Didn't hurt, did it, huh? -He's pretty sick, eh, doc?
Well, that temperature certainly went down fast.
Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4 an ounce.
We better put him to bed. He looks awfully sick today.
Better get him a nurse too.
lf he thinks that, he'll go to bed.
-Come on. -There, now. Take it easy, will you?
He's been a doctor for years, this fella.
l've been a doctor longer than you've been a patient, l'll tell you that.
Come on. Why do you do like that?
What do you think, he's gonna play with you?
No, don't look at me. Let me look at you, huh?
No.
Don't look at me. What do you think l am, a peepshow?
Get away there, will you?
lt's rather a strange-looking sight.
-Yeah, it's serious, huh, doc? -l haven't seen anything like this in years.
The last time l saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
-l told you he was sick. -That's all pure desiccation along there.
He's got about a 1 5-percent metabolism with an overactive thyroid...
...and a glandular affectation of about 3 percent.
-That's bad, huh? -With a 1 -percent mentality.
He's what we designate as the crummy, moronic type.
This is the most gruesome-looking piece of blubber l've ever peered at.
Hey, doc! Hey, doc.
You got the looking glass turned around. You're looking at yourself.
l knew it all the time.
That was a good joke on all of us, wasn't it?
Let's do it again sometime, huh?
Say, ''Ah. ''
Louder.
Louder!
-Hey, doc, where you going? -l'm going to the ear doctor. l'm deaf.
Come on back. lt's not you. lt's him.
Sometimes, l'm not sure who's getting the examination here.
Take it easy, now, huh?
Say, am l stewed, or did a grapefruit just fly past?
l don't see nothing.
lf that's his Adam's apple, he's got yellow fever.
-He's got ingrown balloons. -He has, huh?
Well, we'll soon find out.
-Hold that till l get a rock. -He's got a blister on his tongue.
-ls that what it is? -l think he's a Ubangi.
Well, l'll get the hammer and ''Ubangi'' that right off.
l had a case like that once in Düsseldorf many years ago, and--
Say, it's grown considerably, hasn't it, huh?
-What's that hairy fungus all over it? -Some fungus, eh, doc?
Not a great deal, no.
-Well-- -You're making a mistake. That's his head.
lf that's his head, he's making a mistake, not me.
l can't do anything for him. That's a case for Frank Buck.
Put him in the room till Frank Buck gets here.
Fine. Shall we say a 50-buck room, or would you prefer something better?
-We'll take something better. -That's nice.
-But we'll talk about the money tomorrow. -Oh, no. Money on the line, or out you go.
''To Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, for saving my horse. ''
-Come here with that watch. -You, a horse doctor?
-A little easy with that talk. -A horse doctor.
-Don't mention that word around here. -Hey, that's terrible.
l'm gonna tell Miss Judy quick.
No. That's no good.
Miss Judy, she's depending on you. A horse doctor.
Now, listen, boys, l admit it. You've caught me with my coat down.
-Well, it's been nice knowing you. -Oh, no, you don't. Oh, no.
Let's get together. l'm open to any kind of proposition.
All right, you stick on this job.
You make Mrs. Upjohn happy, or we're gonna have you thrown in jail.
Well, that doesn't leave me much choice, does it?
Nobody must know you're a horse doctor.
You make one false move, and we fix you good.
l hate to admit it, but l haven't got a leg to stand on.
Now, let's-- Hey, wait a minute!
-Bring that over here. -There it goes.
-No, whip it around the other way. -You keep quiet.
-We know what we're doing. -Okay.
Say, l thought l wasn't gonna be able to walk again.
-l got it too. -lt's fine now.
Stuffy, l got it. Come on.
1 :44. That's bad.
You think that's bad? l know something worse than that.
-Did Stuffy tell you? -Tell me what?
-Hackenapuss, he's a horse doctor. -What?
-Sure. Here, ask Stuffy. -A horse doctor?
-Does anyone else know about this? -Only Hackenapuss, and he won't talk.
lt's bound to get out sooner or later.
There must be something we can do to help Judy.
Yes. Hi Hat, you gotta win the race and make us plenty of money.
Stuffy's right. Hi Hat's too hungry to run.
l'm gonna get paid extra for singing at the water carnival tonight.
That's fine. You sing, l sell some more books...
...and Stuffy, he's gonna put Hi Hat to bed.
l've gotta go to rehearsal. See you later.
-All right. Good luck. -Hey, you!
Hello, sheriff.
l told you not to take this horse out till l got the rest of my dough.
We didn't take him out. He walked out, we followed.
l warned you. Now l'm taking the nag.
Hey, you can't take that horse. How will we win money to pay the feed bill?
That don't mean a thing to me. l'm gonna put him where nobody will take him out.
He couldn't get you, so he took six other girls.
lsn't it beautiful?
lt's the prettiest number l've ever seen.
Oh, Hugo, it's so impress--
Now what?
The idea!
Oh, now, Judy, wait a minute.
l want to talk to you. You can't depend on Hackenbush.
Mrs. Upjohn is perfectly satisfied with Dr. Hackenbush, and that's what matters.
ln fact, she may take over the notes tomorrow.
l guess everything's all right. Nothing to worry about?
No, not a thing, except that horse of yours.
Wait. That horse is all right. He's in the pink.
Why, today he ran the mile in 1 :36. That horse is going places.
Oh, that's wonderful. l wish you luck.
-Thanks. l'm sorry l bothered you. -lt's all right.
Now, Judy, l'm the biggest liar in seven states.
He isn't all right, he isn't in the pink...
...and it was 1 :44 instead of 1 :36...
...and the only place he'll go is where the sheriff takes him.
You can't possibly mean Hi Hat.
Well, there's only one horse in my stable.
Come on, let me have the rest of it.
The only thing l'm going to say is this, Gil:
Don't ever let a horse come between us again.
She loves him.
Everything is going to be all right now.
Change your partners.
-Hugo, l am surprised at you. -Oh, you didn't know l could rumba?
Change your partners.
How would you like me to dance away from you?
l'd be satisfied if you'd dance off my feet.
l'm disappointed. To think of your dancing with that strange woman.
Well, don't think of it. Think of me dancing with you.
l'm crazy about you.
Nothing will ever come between us again.
You don't know how lonely l get at night...
...in my little room at the sanitarium.
Room 41 2.
Perhaps l could come in and say good night to you.
Yes. We could have a midnight snack, nice little steak between us.
Why, Hugo!
You'd stay up until midnight. That's how you follow doctor's orders.
You know you're supposed to be in bed by 1 0:00. 1 2:00. 1 0:00.
Listen, we mustn't have any disturbance here tonight.
All right. l can wait.
Well, it's in the bag. l have a date with him in his room at 1 2.
Nice going. See that you stay there till l break in with Mrs. Upjohn.
l want Hackenbush fired out of the sanitarium tonight.
Don't worry. When you knock on the door...
...l'll have that moth-eaten Romeo playing the balcony scene.
l got you. l got you. l--
You're spoiling my game. What's the matter?
Buffalo Bill?
Buffalo Bill goes ice-skating?
Oh, Hackenbush!
Oh, what's the matter with him?
Dr. Hackenbush.
He's got a snake?
No.
He's got apple dumpling?
Dr. Hackenbush...
...he's got apple dumpling.
No apple dumpling.
No, it's no apple dumpling. No.
No.
Oh, it's a woman! A woman. Oh, l get it.
Oh, there's a woman. Yeah. Smart, eh?
Dr. Hackenbush...
...there's a woman...
...she got a wooden leg?
No?
She got a woodpecker?
She got a headache?
Dr. Hackenbush...
...there's a woman...
...she knock on the door!
She knock on the door! All right. All right.
Dr. Hackenbush, there's a woman, she knock on the door... .
You're crazy! You make me sick.
What's the matter now?